I'm still living at home while attending school. I just finished my first year of University. I plan on an acting career and I'm working towards a drama degree. I have no idea if this will even make me employable after University. Anyways, I really hate living at home. I've had to grow up with family dysfunction and hypocrisy all my life. I've gotten really tired of my parents ignorance. I was a pretty sensitive child, and it was always hard to see my dad attack my mom, call her names, and throw violent tantrums over very minor things. I have a ton of anxiety because of that today. My dad continues to try to talk to me, but he's not getting that I want nothing to do with him. I'm sorry, but I refuse to forgive him for any of that. I've given him plenty of chances to make up for the things he did. I'm done with it. My mom is in denial and makes up excuses for his behavior. She even tried to guilt trip me into being nice to my dad, but it's not going to work. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Other than that, it's just minor things my parents do that really irritate me. Both of them are extremely negative. In fact, right before my high school graduation, the only thing they told me was that life was rough and most people hate their lives. Driving past the Salvation Army, my dad said ';That's where you go if you don't go to school';. First of all, I am 18 and intelligent enough to know to stay in school. Second, he knows nothing about the people there, so he is just a judgmental person. I find it funny that neither of my parents went to school either. I don't talk to either of my parents anymore because their negative attitudes ruin my whole day.
I have a lot of emotional problems. I have depression and social anxiety. I tend to avoid most people because I have a very difficult time communicating and connecting with them. I don't have any friends. Most of my time is spent in my room feeling sick and trying to stay away from my family. I've been going to counseling, which helps a little bit. I'm actually doing pretty well in school, at least considering the fact that I did terrible in high school. It's been hard for me to have any kind of motivation to succeed. If I can, I would love to be a straight A student. I've been getting As and Bs though, so that's something to be proud of.
That's about it. To summarize, I pretty much spend most of my time in my room dreaming of things rather than actually doing them. Can you please help me?Is this why I'm having such a difficult time getting motivated? How do I stay motivated?
Your life story is lacking something.. a steady job. Having work is the best motivator. If you were working you might be thankful for things in life that you have but others may not, like a home and parents.
You shouldn't see the externals in life affecting you so much. Happiness comes from within, you won't find it somewhere out there, so find your inner peace, something that makes you truly happy and ride that wave. yeah its tough not letting others bring you down, but if you have a game plan, it really helps.
Btw, grades and schooling aren't ANY measure of a persons true character, so don't place too much importance in school, its just a piece of paper to get you a better job, and possibly a social outlet.
Enjoy.
No comments:
Post a Comment